If all we’ve got is each other, why not try to learn to love one another?

If this earth is all we’ve got forever, why try to break it and blame it on each other?

            Anyway, the reason that her lecture is in this post is because she revealed the truth behind the brain function after a person has used drug. Now that makes sense. Remember the last post I was talking about Stress, Drug, & Addiction? Yes? No? Well, it’s right under this new post; so, it should not be a problem if you don’t remember it or you didn’t read it before.

            The thing is once you have used drug, it destroys the backside of your brain function that is a sense of taking control or controlling your emotion and actions, which means after a person has used drug, s/he already has her/his sense of controlling damaged. And therefore, s/he could not control her/his emotions and acts afterward. Therefore, s/he could not be easily recovering from drug because in order to recover from drug, a person needs to work on how to control her/himself. Sounds redundant?

            Anyway, I read a book about drug a year ago. It states that the highest percentage that addicts recover after having gone to the rehab is about 15% – 15% of fully recovered patients from drug using. By fully recovery, I mean that the patient is determined to not use drug afterward, and he/she could do it. It’s not just everywhere, it’s the statistic in one of the rehabilitation in the U.S.

            In short, using drug is like you are welcome to go in anytime you want, but you can’t just leave. Sorry, there’s no exit door in the room. You have to actually break the wall by your own inner and outer strength to make your own way out. Otherwise, you’re stuck in it for life. It’s not easy to get out, but it is possible.

            So it’s definitely recommended not to try drug. It burns you down to ash.  Like I mentioned before, depression is unquestionably hard to deal with. What you need to do is to find inspiration and the reason you live for because without it, nothing is important anymore and you might end up in deep black hole. Life is pain, but it’s up to you to fix it. That’s how you survive, so far. Peace out…

              Simple logical term that I am using here is stress leads to drugs, then addiction covers it.

             Is that all? In the bottom line, yes. That’s pretty much it. But in terms of detailed information, it’s too less to explain any one thing.

             First of all, stress is important to understand.

             What is stress anyway?

             Why is it always the problem for most people?

             In my subjective idea, stress is tension that is hard to get over it, nor get it over with. To make tension becomes stress is when you get to the point that you’re stuck with it in life. That’s not necessarily or entirely true. You can literally walk away from it, which means it’s not that heavy to lift if off of you back. But not figuratively because you actually believe you’re overwhelmed by it. It encompasses your head. Maybe shaving your head could be a good idea to release your stress or so you might think.

             You know what? It’s not all about your hair. It’s about what is the size of the tension that you put in your head. You might go crazy thinking your head can be exploded because the ample tension  is too much to handle. You  might start tapping your head moving your tension from your left brain to flood the right side, thinking it might flow out once in a while. Guess what? It’s never going to get anywhere out of your skull. It’s always there if you don’t have a solution to it.

             A solution can’t just be found when you wake up from your sleep, especially when your thoughts are paranoid because of the tension you’re having. So what do you do when your nightmares are getting worse and no one’s there to comfort you at night? What would you think of when your house is seized and your husband’s in prison? How to cope the stress when your mother is dying, your father is praying every night to god to take his wife off of his burden and your brother has gone missing? What’s there to do when you witness your family’s death after a robbery? Or how to smile after your only relative hanged himself in your beautiful house?

             Yeah, yeah, it’s not impossible to pull yourself together. But don’t you think it’s a little complicated to get the case solved and get your head clear?

             “Everything is possible if you just believe,”  or so people say. The thing is, what’s there to believe after all we’ve been through? The question surely does not pop out in your head a lot, but at some points, in some situations, this is all you could think of. Then what is important? What is it that really matters in your life? Is it your physical or your emotional safety? You’re confused and you can’t turn back the time. You can’t go back to normal, nor can you pretend nothing happened. You always see, hear, and feel what happened like you were standing in the right same spot and not moving an inch from the incident you have witnessed. You’d wish for a day or at least an hour, just an hour without all these feelings and tensions. You need a break.

             Who would you turn to then? Your friends? Your family? They’re all gone, remember? Or they’re still here, but it seems like they’re not where you come from. You can’t face the music with them. They don’t feel your pain. You might be afraid they will get your disease too or they will never understand you. So what? My statement comes up now. After a full page of writing here it is, you let drug shut you down in order to take a break for once in a life time then casually. Eventually, you’re it; you’re addicted. End of story.

             What? Not enough? Well, it’s not The End.

             It’s just the first episode.

             There’s more coming up. Don’t expect it’ll be too soon though.

             Thank You for Reading.

              Why A.D.D in a sudden?

              Well, I have discussed this with my best friend in Cambodia and I have found the connection between A.D.D and Drug. Interested yet? Or maybe it’s just another thing you already know? Hmm…I’d say try to read through it because it might help.

               What is A.D.D ? 

               Attention Deficit Disorder is a disorder that makes you restless, impulsive, inattentive, imaginative and also creative. (This is not my definition. I got it from my best friend and she might get it from somewhere else.)

              → If you’re not quite sure whether or not you have suffered from A.D.D, take a quick test and see how it goes.

              Here’s the link: http://psychcentral.com/addquiz.htm 

              Don’t be panic if your test turns out to be a high score on A.D.D because me too, I got a very high score, as high as 102.

              First of all, A.D.D is not a bad thing in all terms. Some brilliant people have them too like Da Vinci. That’s what my friend told me about the book that she red recently. However, she told me, it can both make you bright and destroy you. It depends on how well you can control it. 

              I presume that people with A.D.D easily get bored and upset because there are not enough interesting things to do in a day. Well, I have been having the same problem too. 

              A lot of time, I try to do a lot of things at the same time and I still feel that there are not enough things that I’m supposed to do. Sometimes I always feel like I need to do more things while I still have free time and a moment with this or that. It comes to me like an obligation that I have to finish things at the same time and that is not easy sometimes.

              Nonetheless, I enjoy doing several things at the moment like watching a movie while downloading another movie with a book in my hand and also preparing my room and my clothes at the same time. I always think that I can do more and I should do more, which people around me find it nonsense. 

              A lot of people in Cambodia are not aware of A.D.D; some people don’t even know what it means or even what it stands for. They think it’s just personality and that maybe the people who usually get bored at anything are just because they are not yet getting used to what they are doing or where they are staying. Well, guess what? They don’t want to be like that either. It’s A.D.D! 

              My best friend told me that some people blame everything on A.D.D. Well, that’s not right either. If you have it, you need to control it either by yourself or by treatment.

              Some teens find it hard to focus or to control A.D.D and that pushes them to do drug in order to calm themselves, especially when you have A.D.D depression. Oh, Yes! A.D.D has its terms! Anyway, it makes you feel tempting all the time and drug can help you ease your mind for a moment. That’s why A.D.D is dangerous sometimes because it leads you to drug.

              So what should you do to control it without doing drug?

              Well, naturally, you can do a lot of things at a time like your brain always command you and when you get sick of doing a lot of things and having stupid results, you can learn to concentrate – ZEN. 

              How to ZEN when you are hyperactive?

              It’s not without effort. The first time you try it, it sucks. Of course, it’s not easy because your mind is not here for you to feel your breath and when you loose track of sensing your breath, you’re not concentrating.

              It takes time to do it correctly. You have to focus on breathing in and out, try to feel things around you, hear voices you can hear, and keep your eyes closed with your knees bent. If you feel things according to your mind wondering, or feel things that are far away that allow you to feel, try to pull your mind back to where you sit and feel the breath you breathe. Well, eventually, you will get it right and it will work like a charm. The one thing that it does to you is it makes you calm.

              I know it’s hard, but I have it too so I’m telling you and me to be patient and try to control it for our days to get better as we move along. WELL, let see how it goes together. I’m trying to fight it too!

Addictional Information on How To Cure ADD Naturally,

→ Check This Website:Cure ADD Symptoms

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Dear Krista,

First of all, I just want to share how I feel about my life since you told me your intimate feelings. I too hate my life, but not everything about it and not always. There are some good and bad things about life. Sometimes you need to bear the bad things and wait for the good things to happen.

About boys and what they say:

Guess what, sometimes you need to believe when your boyfriend says, “I love you,” because most of the times, boys don’t go saying this phrase all the time to any other girls. Most boys say that because they mean that, but it does not mean that they will love you for the rest of their lives. At the moment, YES, they love you when they say it, but then the feeling just fades away because of some reasons.

The reasons might be because:

• Sometimes it is just because girls are “too close to comfort.” It is not easy for them too to always tell someone what, when, why and how they do anything at all even though they love that someone so much that they want to be open, but they just cannot be open enough for you.

• Sometimes they just get tired of the little things we girls do like the fact that some of us are always complaining about our shoes and finger nails. Well, guess what? They don’t want to spend all the time in the world to listen to us anymore. So they set themselves free.

• Sometimes they are assholes who just cannot be trusted. They come to you to get what they want and after they finish their business, they’re gone. They just don’t give a f—k about anything at all. Maybe they have a philosophy to follow in life like, “take what you can; give nothing back,” (I’m just saying that because I just watch Jack Sparrow for the 25^th times last night) or maybe you’re just their bets, or maybe they just want to prove their friends that they’re the real men.

There are more options about what types of men they can appear to be, but this text is not about them boys; it’s about us girls.

So what can we girls do about it? Can we just go, “oh, now you want to break up with me? Well, let’s do it!” Or should we just start crying like a baby and going to a chocolate store because we have been dumped? Or we just start planning on burning their new girlfriends’ hair to make us feel better about our looks? Should we start dating other boys to prove our ex-s that we’re not losers? Should we complain about this to our best friends and let them comfort us instead of watching old movies alone every Friday night?

Should we go doing something crazy to ourselves because we think no one wants us anymore because even the ones we love the most have just left us? Should we smoke some weed, marijuana or start doing some drugs to forget about this pain just for awhile? Or should we just act like nothing happen and go back to our old time when we didn’t have them invading in our lives?

What now? What should we do to make it right? Of course, we can’t just forget what just happened after a lifelong living or even a very short moment with them. Something has changed and we knew some parts of us have been broken – not beyond repair, but it might take time to restore our distorted souls.

You know what? I don’t know what to do for sure to be honest, but one thing that I know is that whatever you do, do it for your recovery – do it for your own good, not for them. The reason for that is because when they leave us, they already leave us with broken hearts, and if we try to break ourselves even more, we can hardly come back to our sanity when we’re over them. Most likely, we will regret what we’ve done wrong to ourselves when time goes by.

∆             On the other hand, it is really hard to stop yourselves from thinking of ways to get yourselves killed after all you’ve been through. People say, “if you think you can’t go on with your lives, just live for one more day.” Seriously, it makes you live and get used to living. It’s not easy as it’s said, but it works, for some people. Sometimes time seems to be the only thing that can make you figure out what to live for/what is worth living for. You know, tarde o temprano, you know what to do with your life.

Also, both physical and mental exercises can help you feel better.

Whatever works, try it. You know what I mean. Do whatever it takes to make you feel better (anything that does not affect others’ feelings) like:

• Rrunning along the street while listening to music
• Jogging in  a public garden and looking at other people doing different things at a time
• Going for a walk with your little doggie
• Shopping with your girly friends
• Crying alone in your room with the music on
• Talking with friends on your parents’ phones (so that you don’t have to pay for the call you make)
• Telling how you feel to your counselors even though they pretend to be interested in your stories
• Watching classic black and white movies like Casablanca or Romance Holiday (so that you can appreciate how cool it is to be in the 21^st centaury with the variety of color on your TV)
• Singing aloud even though you’re a little behind with the lyric (screaming a little is okay too)
• Going boxing (some girls do like that; I don’t why; they just do)
• Doing some meditation or martial arts (so that you might feel like precious ancient heroes to be)
• Doing some make up for your little sisters (that’s what I’m planning to do when I’m home)
• Learning sign language with your best friends
• Donating some t-shirt to the Chinese people who get affected by the earthquake, applying for the scholarship in Kuwait
• Bungee jumping (that’s my dream sport activity : )
• Going for a Grand Tour like sister Wendy (that’s not what I’m looking forward to, but it might make you see the world through different people’s eyes)

→ do whatever suit your interests and after awhile you might want to live again (Inshala). You never know what could happen unless you live through that moment, right?

So far so good? Well, Krista, I hope you’re not bored. It’s not too broad and I have a variety of solutions for you. Hopefully, you might like to try one to make you feel better. Even if you don’t feel like doing one of those things, do something else. There are a lot of things that you’ve never realized you could do and there are a bunch of little things that you’ve never known those could make you felt better after you’ve tried those.

Whatever you do, just don’t give up on yourselves. Be a little selfish if you have to. By selfish, I mean loving yourself a little more and appreciate your life a little more. There has to be some parts of you that you like.

For instance, for me, I like my memories (even though I can hardly remember anything at all since I’ve eaten curry eggs and chicken for two years; I’m just saying that because I don’t like those), I like my perspective (it’s very subjective, but it gives me ideas about things), I like my wrists because those look weird to my friends and it makes me feel special. Well, I don’t realize anything else to like about myself right now, but it’s okay; I’m working on it and you can work on it too.

Sometimes it makes me feel sad to believe that there is no next life or there is no connection between this life to the next what so ever. And that is the reason why I like about Buddhism, the part that Buddha said that people always refered back to their interests in their past lives.

That means that I can have my perspective back if I will be born again, but my memories are to loose to the death or else I don’t know the alternative, and what about my wrists? I might or might not have those kinds of wrists for my next life! So what’s the point? Well, my point is if I live longer, I might live with these 3 great things that I appreciate about being Méta – being me and than I will die without regret. Who knows? Maybe until the day that I die, I might get tired of those 3 things and that is okay with me too.

Therefore, you should know my conclusion. Live your life to the last moment. Give yourself a little love, mercy, understanding and forgiveness. Don’t just end your life or hurt yourself because then you’re just like the boy, only you could do worst to yourself than what he could do to you, savvy?

Well, I hope you are getting better, Krista.

Bueno, nos vemos. Dale recuerdos a la familia.

Je t’embrasse,

Méta

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Volà, end of the letter. Hope you don’t mind the leght!

Enjoy your day!

PS: Your e-mail is not accessible and that’s the reason why I post this letter twice just to let you read it.

            Life is hard. Life is cruel. Life is boring. Life is unbelievably ironic. So they do drug. Once they’ve tasted it, they want another shot and another and another. Consequently, they become addicts. Most addicts close their eyes when they are high so that they would feel satisfaction, for a little while. But when they start to open their eyes, they might not recognize their own selves, not their faces, their bodies, or even their eyes.

            Now this might be their turning point – seeing themselves and not be able to know who they are anymore. It can lead to three different basic outcomes. First outcome, they freak out, but then they adapt to it → so they continue doing what they are doing. Second outcome, they are ashamed of whom they’ve become; it makes them even more depressed of their lives → so they do it more, just to get over it. Now the third one is very interesting. It makes them hate themselves of being addicts; they realize that drug is the enemy → so they fight it.

            If addicts are in the first and the second categories, they are likely to be criminals to their societies, their families, friends and lovers, and themselves. How?

• Criminals to the societies: 

      →   Criminals to the societies have two types: theoretical and practical.

1. Drug is illegal so if you do it, you’ve proved yourselves theoretical criminals.
2. Doing drugs sometimes involved crimes and violations such as stealing, robbing or ganging up to get drug.

• Criminals to the families, friends and lovers:

      →   Becoming addicts is taking away the real you. You become damaged goods. Nobody wants you. Even if they still want you, you ban their invitation into your little dirty world. You just blow them away. They cannot be with you and you’re alone with your hands raise high and you keep raising them ignoring the voice of love calling for the real you to come back inside the body of the addict. You’re violated the ones they love and so you’re criminals to them.

• Criminals to yourselves:

      →  Literally, you torture, hypnotize, and slowly kill yourselves, the conscious, funny, and lovely you.

             In another word, becoming addicts is destroying you. Don’t even think of your future because your present is muted by drug. If someone asks an addict, what do you see yourself in 10 years? Possibly, the answer could be, “I hope I’ll be clean so that I can come back to my normal life, my family and my job.” In fact, it’s not future in 10 years, it’s just a hope. It might or it might not come true, but just keep hopping. It’s good though because otherwise, you’ll never have a real future. You can say that hope is a bridge to your future. However, if you don’t stop, you are most likely in a position of devastating your hope, future and yourselves. In short, you can understand that you’re murdering yourselves slowly or quickly depend on how much drug you take.  

              Indeed, doing drug is killing yourselves. Worst than worst, drug makes you live in death. You’re a dead soul. Eventually, you’ll realize it and you don’t want that to happen to you.

              Face it, you never going to make your lives better by killing yourselves. Don’t say you’re fed up with your painful live so that you just want to end it because there is some part of you wants it to be better and alive. You want a better life for you, your family, friends, and society. You never want to end it this way. You think you can’t seek a way to make it better. Why? Because you’re tired. You want to let go and give it all up.

               If you think you do this because you hate yourselves, you’re wrong. People don’t buy it. The truth is you do this because you love yourselves too much that you don’t want to spend 100% energy to handle the problems. The truth is if you really hate yourselves, then fight it. Make it suffer, try harder, don’t give up – just beat yourselves up! Show the world that you really hate your depressing lives and that the reason why you don’t kill yourselves is because you’re not choosing the easy way. 

               If you believe it, it’s true for you. Even if you don’t believe it, don’t do drug.

           I had been too comfortable with this country and where I lived that I almost thought totally positive about things here until one day. I was totally washed out the first time I saw two 5-year-old boys sitting on a dirty cart near a mountain of stinky trash looking up with one hand clutching tight with a white plastic bag and the other hand raising up high over their heads. They inhaled and giggled.

          It was not the first time that I have seen someone inhaling glue. In fact, inhaling glue is the other type of doing drug. Regular users are street or poor children and teenagers. I have seen a lot of street kids back in my country inhaling glue and it was not a surprise. This kind of drug using has been recognized since before the year 2000 in Cambodia.

          However, those kids, whom I saw along the road when I was on a rickshaw with my friend, are the first kids I saw who inhaled glue in Bangladesh. It was very upsetting to watch them across the street and unable to do or say anything. It was even more disappointing to realize that no one around them care to notice what they were doing. They were completely ignored as if they were alone.

          Now I do have a question that some of my Bangladeshi friends refused to answer – what would the government reaction be when it came to this particular issue in Bangladesh? Do people get used to having seen street children inhaling glue? What would people think of them?

P.S: If you have a problem finding a good rehab in Chittagong, please go this website and learn more about this particular social service place: http://bbcyourstory.com/2009/06/16/a-drug-rehab-centre-in-bangladesh/

              “BUT”! When you come across a problem, do you have time or feeling or sense to step back and think objectively about your case? No, not all of us can do that, and that’s why we need counseling, we need to let it out – the problems have to be out to be evaluated objectively by others, confidentially (if you like it that way.)

                Telling somebody your own problem does not mean that you’re not as intelligent as your counselor or you cannot deal with your own problems. It does not mean that you’re weak. It means just the opposite. You need to address your problems in order to let everyone else learns from your case and it could help them in some ways in the future.

               People are connected. We need connection, conversation, and inspiration.

                I’ve been thinking of how to be connected with the people like me – to get to know more of them, more of their problems, to get to know that I am not alone. Now I realize that it is time for people of my kind to welcome to my life!

               Before you decided to pull the trigger or attempt to hurt yourself, just e-mail me – tell me your problems. I am not saying that I will definitely save your souls, I am not that special. I just want to know you and your problems and I will decide later what I will say to you.

This is a true story written by one of my friends, Mixsell. 

Edited by Ney Sométa.